I have been feeling the pull lately. That tug from the other side that stresses me, stretches me and causes a bit of frustration. I find myself gripping for something, and yet cannot seem to grasp.
I think I often forget my little children are just that. Little. They need, and need, and just when I feel like I have nothing left, I find myself just giving a wee bit more.
I feel exhausted and wonder if I’m actually doing anything right at times. I try so hard to enjoy everything– and I get so mad at myself if things aren’t going the way that I feel they should.
I truly believe that things come into our lives at the exact right times; maybe a book falls on the floor, a photo appears that speaks to you, or even something as silly as a you tube video appears on your phone.
HowJenDoes it channel is one of my favorites! I know I have shared her previously on my other blog; she runs her house like a pro, is a loving mother of two older boys and a devoted wife. I sometimes watch her videos and get down on myself because, well, my house is not always spic and span like hers…toys are all over, crumbs are on the floor and the laundry is always piling up.
A few months back she made a video, for viewers just like me. This hit me HARD this morning as I changed the sheets on our bed, sorted the laundry and picked up the kids’ rooms. You can hear in her voice, how it cracks a little as she remembers when her boys were young–she shares what she remembers about that time. Yes, it was hard and yes, it was a lot of work and she was exhausted, but the memories? They are there, embedded in her mind, that create her story of her staying home with her boys.
I’m living this right now. I get to cuddle on the couch, wash their hair, make their day with hot cocoa and playing in the snow. Everything is pure wonder, almost magic. The innocence is surreal at times and although I am worn to the bone some days, these are the days.
These are the days we will look back on.
These are the moments I will miss.
Sometimes I try so hard to jump ahead and my word for 2018–BE–brings me right back down. I need to just be their momma some days. That’s all. They don’t need much, in the grand scheme of life. They need my love, they need to feel safe, they need to have fun, and of course they need structure.
This video even prompted me to stop and enjoy some lunch at the store before we picked up a few odds and ends. Dining with a 3 and 5 year old is a bit crazy, but so much fun.
So if you’re a mom to young ones, maybe take a few minutes and watch Jen’s video. One day this will be us, telling our younger mom self, we made it. The kids turned out great. Life is a beautiful and messy ride, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.