Inner Mean Girl Vs. Authentic Self

Happy Thursday friends!! What a beautiful day to be alive.

I’ve been doing some real estate work, but took a quick lunch break here at home because I wanted to share my progress that I’ve been making with my Life Coach Lindsay Preston.

In week 3 we really went deep diving into our past experiences and ruffled up all sorts of things.  I told you how I had to write out my life’s “Timeline” and it had some not so pleasant things from my past. We all do though right? We had to pull our bullet holes as Lindsay calls them.  My parents’ divorce was a super hard one for me, as was my youngest sister getting into drugs.  I also realized that while I loved teaching and valued my education, when I got my Master’s Degree, I swept it under the rug like NBD.  Whaaaaa???  I remember Joe taking me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate and taking my photo while I held up my certificate.  But I remember NOT wanting to go to the ceremony to walk across the stage or inviting anyone to celebrate me.  Which is weird, because if you know me I love to celebrate and looking back this makes me sad.  I know that my family was in a pretty bad spot and I recall my middle sister graduating a few years prior and it was a disaster with the step-mom/dad and mom situation.  Either way, I realized that I have a VERY hard time enjoying myself if I am well aware that others won’t enjoy themselves either. I spend way too much time worrying about other people’s happiness than just focusing on my own.  Phew. That was a lot.  I also know how far I’ve come with my familial relationships.  No one is perfect, I get that, neither am I, hello, I am only human.  But the fact is we have experiences that may hurt us or leave us wounded and if we don’t spend time healing these wounds, they tend to continue showing up.  Examples? My dad and step-mom got married without my sisters and I knowing and/or being there.  My step-brother was there, but man did that one sting! I had to forgive and move forward on that one and it wasn’t easy.  Another biggie?  My mom didn’t come to my wedding.  Yup.  Pretty much the biggest day of my life and she wasn’t there.  Since that was almost 9 years ago, I’ve spent a lot of time working on healing that one as well.  Present day, I speak to all members of my family and we are all just doing our best.  I work on coming from a place of love, and try so very hard to use compassion when dealing with everyone. Why am I sharing this? Because we ALL HAVE OUR OWN ISH TO DEAL WITH!!  You can spend time crying and playing victim, or you can dig into that wound a little bit, feel the pain and eventually heal and move on.  I will say there are some people, family or not, that don’t play a role in my life and I’ve learned to accept that and be at peace with that too.

We spent time learning about our Inner Mean Girl (IMG) and who she is.  You may have heard this voice a time or two; it’s the one being negative, also known as the ego, limited beliefs, doubting yourself, correcting weaknesses, being fake or inauthentic.  She’s the one who will hold you back from being your true self, otherwise known as your Authentic Self (AS).

When you’re living in your AS, you are confident, original, aware, positive, loving unconditionally, and focused on your strengths.  I called this “being aligned” prior to my work with Lindsay, as I am a huge Gabrielle Bernstein fan.  What I didn’t realize was how normal it was to find yourself shifting between your IMG and your AS.  More importantly, I struggled with how to get out of my IMG and back into my AS. I didn’t know why this was happening, and that’s where this Unstoppable Course has really done me so much good.

One of my top strengths is Input, so I need to know all the things. I enjoy reading/researching and understanding how things work, but I have NEVER taken so much time to figure out how I work.  How is it that I have floated around for 37 years, fairly well, without truly getting to the core of ME?  I’m not sure, but I am ready to take myself to the next level.

Knowing the difference between My IMG and AS is so important for me to reach that next level. I have never labeled my “negative feelings” or understood why I would feel awesome for a bit and then slip back into a weird funk– NO MORE!!! The funks will be less and less and I can truly envision myself always being authentically me.

My two top IMGs: perfectionist and people pleaser. While I really thought I had my perfectionistic issues handled when I had my children — hello nothing goes as planned! But the reality is, I still beat myself up when things aren’t going ‘right’ or rather, the way I see that they should. I always have super high expectations of myself and others.  As demonstrated from my memories above, you can see that my people pleasing can go so far as to shrink myself and my successes, but this is coming to an end. I realize that there is enough out there for anyone to be happy, financially free and have whatever dream come true that she may be chasing; you just have to want it badly enough to do the time and work.  I believe that I am a nurturer by nature, which makes me an excellent mom and wife (especially to a man with Crohn’s Disease) but I also know it can hinder me from taking care of me.

One of the major takeaways after discovering my inner mean girls is that I’m always in control, my IMG is not. She may try to sabotage me, tell me not to post something, not follow through with a plan or idea, but the fact is she’s trying to protect me. I’ve been hurt (haven’t we all) through the years and I’ve built in some tactics to “keep me safe” but as we all know, safe means stunted. It means I can’t grow, change, take risks and see how amazing I can be.

Now that I understand my IMG, I know I can simply tell her that I’m fine and she doesn’t need to worry. When I’m living in my authentic self, I feel free to be me. That’s one of my mantras! I feel calm and intentional. I connect with people better, my relationships thrive, I come from a place of love and understanding vs a “the world is out to get me.” I recognize what no longer serves me and am at peace with the people and things I have let go.

If you’re starting to get an itch to see if you and Lindsay would be a fabulous match, head on over and take her FREE assessment and hop on her FREE call! Ladies I am telling you, no one wants to do the work, but everyone wants to rewards.  If you want to live into your best self with no regrets at the end of your days, wait no more.  I believe that if you’re reading this, it’s a sign that you should just do it.  Spend the $77 and put you first and become a Life Luver.  (Using code JENN20 to save that $20!!)

PS this was me, being my authentic self, opening up and sharing some pretty vulnerable moments from my past.  The work I have been doing on myself is truly showing me how amazing it is, to feel free to be me. 

Wellness Wednesday: Trusting the Process

Well, 8 days in and ish started getting hard.

I was able to keep up with most of my coaching work on a daily basis, despite going away to Toronto.  Luckily we had some down time in our gorgeous suite in the hotel.  I plugged in my headphones and made it work! It’s so so easy to quit when things get hard, but I promised myself to focus these 21 days and get it done!

My overall goal is to create a better work/life blend and to not be so stressed out and feel so chaotic.  I don’t like the stress that it creates and neither does my body!  I absolutely love my life, but I don’t like feeling spun out of control.

So how am I doing with that?  Ehhhh to be totally transparent and honest, I don’t feel like I’m doing that great.  I yelled Tuesday. (So much for being calm amongst the chaos).  I felt like that meme where Mary Poppins is all, “Let’s go!” and then 20 minutes later Batman voice yells “LET’S GOOOOOO!!”  It was a crazy early morning as Bradley had his final “Helper Day” at preschool, which I still had to buy snacks/drinks for AND I had his parent conference at 8:30.  Since I had made a choice to go to a favorite workout class the night before at 6pm, it made for a later bedtime.  I solo parent on some evenings as per my husband’s schedule, and for the last 6 years, I pretty much let the kids’ dictate my routine.  Well, since I’ve started putting ME first a few times more, it’s an adjustment for ALL.  I sometimes feel counter-productive, as in maybe if I just do what is always best for kids and husband, then I can keep the peace…but the reality is, I feel like I’ve woken up to a new light.  What if I die tomorrow? Did I get to do what I wanted to do?  I get that being a parent is all about selfless-ness and giving, giving, giving even when you don’t feel like giving any more, but I also see the need to fill my cup.

I used to think filling my cup was a once in awhile thing.  But I’m realizing I do need to give more attention to me, a lot more.  The “Do You List” has been SO helpful.  It’s been eye opening because I’ve noticed that I don’t feel guilty when I do the dishes, fold the laundry, clean the rooms, scrub the toilets, braid the hair, brush the teeth, iron the work clothes, cook the eggs, do the grocery shopping, prepare the meals, walk the dog, work on real estate, cuddle…but when I consistently do things that make me, just Jenn, not anyone else, happy, I feel bad. So I am learning to push through that uncomfortable feeling and see where it takes me. ** This is what Lindsay would refer to as your IMG (Inner Mean Girl) I didn’t think I had any (haha!) but once I listened to her videos, took notes and reflected I realized I am so a people pleaser and then some.

I’ve created my daily habit of meditating 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night.  I find the morning to be harder than night–I actually love listening to a meditation and falling into a nice quiet sleep…I am also noticing perhaps I would do better with a mid-day meditation?  I may play around with this.  My morning routine is not exactly pristine.  My body is fighting me for sleep!! (I’m blaming the uber hard workouts I do some days!) Either way, I am seeing the need for it. Slowing down is helping me A LOT!

I’ve also started saying a daily mantra: I live a calm and intentional life.  (I’m finding Rachel Hollis’ Start Today Journal methods kind of intertwining here!) Basically, you say things in present tense, as if they’re already happening.  There’s a huge brain connection (I’m not getting scientific here, but there’s huge research done on this!) Lindsay does a great job at explaining it in her course, so it’s not all hokey!

So all in all, in just a week I’m noticing huge differences! Even though I felt like I was struggling a bit yesterday (Tuesday) I love that Lindsay has a closed Facebook group where we can share our thoughts.  We were to share what we are grateful for, so I did, but I also was real and said how things were getting hard.  Her response, “I know you want things to change now, but it’s a process. Just keep showing up like you’re doing (even though you feel overwhelmed I know) and it will get better.”  I know that I needed to hear that because I always want to rush things and sometimes, most times, we need to let things go at their own pace and fall into place as they will.  I know I’m so, SO hard on myself and I need to lighten up (a lot.)

All amazing things happen outside of our comfort zone, right?  Well I am certainly stepping out of mine and cannot wait to see what’s to come.  Just don’t quit, right?

Wellness Wednesday: Life Coaching

I think anyone who knows me, knows that I love bettering myself.  Anyone who truly knows me, realizes that I am not perfect and that I have a huge heart.  I love taking care of my family, being able to stay home with my children, run a beautiful home with two crazy dogs and cook meals all day long.  But at the end of every day, I still want to take care of ME.  Being a momma, running a real estate business and a wife to an extremely hard working man is a lot! I do a lot of it by myself, with the help of sitters and the occasional family member here or there.  While I have an abundant life and so many blessings, I don’t want “die with the music still inside of me.” That was a Wayne Dyer quote I heard many years ago.

I have big hopes, goals and dreams and Joe and I often joke we wonder if any of “it” will be enough.  We are never bored, we don’t watch TV, and we have this burning desire to seek so much more out of life.  What other businesses should we create? How many more people can we help? Where else can we travel to and experience new cultures?  We want to expose our children to so many beautiful opportunities.

My head spins and I have ALL OF THE THINGS I want to do before I die and where the heck do I even start?!

My mind starts going and I get started on some new adventure, and then I eventually shut down and back off.  Any time I start something just for me, I tend to implode. There wasn’t enough time, or the baby needed that, or our business this…

No more.

Enter in, Life Coaching.  Yup.  I am smack dab in the middle of week one and HOLY SMOKES have my eyes been opened up real wide.  So many things friends, so many things to tell you!  I’ve taken a few assessments and honestly have spent a lot of time with just myself.  (It’s weird and beautiful!) Some things I was well aware of (I’m an empathetic person) and other things I’ve begun to see like that I tend to self-sabotage, as I mentioned above.  I am starting with Lindsay’s 21 day course titled, Life Luvers. 

I’ll be honest, there have been a few uncomfortable moments.  There have already been a few times where a thought slips through my mind and I hear “Maybe you can’t do it.  Who do you think you are? What makes you special?”  And then I breathe in really deep, shove those negative comments aside and keep pushing.  And digging.  And thinking. And realizing: I can.

One of the road blocks I know I have is time, so I will be very aware of my social media usage, my ‘down time’ and I’ve already begun using timers.  I will use that pretty planner above and really hone in on when I can work on ME. Another area I want to work on is being okay with not being liked by others.  My mood ebbs and flows on this one.  Sometimes I don’t care and I say, do, and post what I want when I want.  Other times?  I worry, I think too much, I over analyze and become frozen. I go radio silent and into a weird space. I don’t want that to happen any more.

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I know it’s only the beginning of my little journey here but I am already seeing big strides.  I want to share as much as I can, as this blog has always been a wonderful outlet for me. I will share on my Instagram stories more as we continue going further into coaching.  I am in this for the long haul! I am putting it out here into the universe and holding myself accountable.

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Follow this “highlight” for more on my life coaching experience!! 

Yes, I am a wifey, a mama and a real estate investor, a reader, a writer, a life long learner…but mostly? I am a woman who, when on her deathbed, will look back and say, I did not die with my music still inside of me.  I lived my life to its fullest and truly followed my passions, lived calmly and peacefully, and with zero regrets.

If you’re wondering if coaching is for you, Lindsay has a free assessment you can take here!  I will be sharing weekly my progress here on the blog. I figured “Wellness Wednesday” will be a good fit and I’ll go into details about my wins, ‘a-ha’ moments and some struggles as much as I can.  I believe in being an open book, but I also know that sometimes I need to work through things by myself.

Have you done any life coaching?

Podcasts

I absolutely love listening to podcasts! I will admit there’s a part of me that doesn’t like them ONLY because I set high goals to read a lot of books in the year, and even though I’m learning, a podcast is not a book. Maybe I need to set a podcast goal too~ (or not.)

Either way, here are the podcasts you will find on my iphone.

My current listen: this amazing powerhouse of a woman– Lindsay Preston. She’s a life coach helping tons of ladies become better versions of themselves. The free nuggets she gives away on her podcasts are life changing; no joke you’ll feel like you can go out and kick some major butt after one listen!

And she Rises the F Up – this is all about going after what you want, working on your money manifestation and recognizing your higher power. This is probably the newewst podcast I have started to follow. This little lady does NOT keep things PG so it’s an ear bud kind of listen.  She has a lot of solid advice and honestly I feel better about money when listening to her.  Money/finances seem to be such an interesting topic in our society and she helps validate why it’s more than okay to be going after what you want.

Earn Your Happy– I listened to Lori Harder’s book called A Tribe Called Bliss, and it was decent.  This podcasts mimics that and she does have a lot of great people on here that she interviews.  She focuses on self love, really loving life and generally being the best version of yourself.  She’s a badass and wants you to be one too!

The Mentor Podcast- This will fall under the “Real Estate” inventory of my podcasts.  Ron LeGrand is our great mentor and we have learned many a thing from this man! He has a ton of financial gurus, entrepreneurs, real estate experts and just overall another great avenue to learn more from him.  My husband honestly connects with Ron a bit better than I do, but I do learn a lot by listening.

Rise Podcast:  If you’ve been here for awhile, you know me and my girl Rach go way back…to her first book.  I adore her and Dave and listen to them on their daily live FB/Insta stream as well as their different podcasts.  She has wonderful in depth interviews both male and female, and there’s always a good take away from them!  She even reads certain chapters/excerpts of her books, so if you’re on the fence, check out her FREE podcast.  Trust me, you will want to buy them!

 

Real Estate Investing for Women – is exactly what it sounds like.  Often times it seems like real estate is a male dominated community.  I love how she breaks it down and ties in real life women moments, and relates to me on so many levels.  Even if you’re on the fence about dabbling in real estate, it wouldn’t hurt to download this one for free!

The Real Estate Investher Show – clearly another real estate podcast.  I love that this one is two ladies who go back and forth sharing their real stories and also involve guests on their show.  It helps to hear a woman’s perspective, especially married mama!  I sometimes feel like a lunatic and just hearing that there are other ladies feeling the same feels, makes me feel better.  Must listen if you’re looking to grow your finances!!

Style Your Mind- the famous Champagne Diet blogger/author has one of my favorite podcasts. I heard Zig Ziglar say that it’s good to listen to motivation when you’re feeling down, but it’s even MORE worth it when you listen to it feeling great! I try to do that, especially with Cara’s work.  She really gives me a kick in the ass, but also fuels my fire.  I feel like I can go and do whatever next hard thing comes next.

Rise Together- this is Rachel Hollis and her hubby Dave.  They have a great dynamic and I will be honest, I just listen to their daily live streams.  I haven’t listened to this podcast in a few months.  Again, if you love her take charge, no BS approach, this is for you!

Your Virtual Upline– is a must for any direct sales consultant!! I found it through a friend when I was doing Stella & Dot. I have not listened to him in probably close to a year? But he does add a lot of value.  Great content and I always took away some sort of nugget.

The Sandwhich – Amanda Muse is sooooo down to earth and funny! She’s a Canadian mama of two is a You Tuber and I just love her.  She’s all about #thefutureisfemale and shares her day to day life via vlogs and instagram stories.  Her podcasts allows her to get a little more intimate or in detail on whatever topic she feels like discussing.  She is so body confident and sharing how important it is to just be happy no matter what.

The Melissa Ambrossini Show- Author of Mastering your Inner Mean Girl, she is also a fantastic motivating listen!  I love hearing stories of her and her guests.  She focuses on finding motivation no matter what!  I need to listen more…

Time to Parent- To be 100% honest, I have no flipping clue. I must have downloaded this because someone I trust recommended.  Have you? LOL

 

Happier–  We all know Gretchen as the happiness guru.  That’s as far as I’ve gotten!

Dirty John – Again, heard it was great, no clue why, haven’t listened.

Wayne Dyer– he passed a few years back, but from time I really feel the need to hear his voice, soak up his wisdom.  He is definitely one of the many keys that I feel help “open me” up to self-improvement.

Sex with Emily– pretty straight forward, I don’t think I need to explain much.  She talks about sex etc.

 

Oprah Super Soul Conversations:  Oprah is like the mecca of all things great and wonderful.  She is someone that comforts me just by hearing her voice; I think it’s because I grew up hearing her every day around 4pm.  I only wish I listened more to what she was saying!  She’s always suggesting a new read or way of thinking about life. If you’re an Oprah fan, this is for you.

Chalene (Build your Tribe) – I just love her and used to listen to it awhile ago.  She is to the point and full of spunk! She talks a lot about being a great leader etc.

What are some of your favorite podcasts? I feel like I need to find some new ones to add to my list.

 

Getting Quiet

If you happen to follow me on Instagram you may (or may not) have noticed I haven’t posted in a week.  If you know me well, Insta is my favorite slice of social media.  I started blogging back in 2011 and I believe it was that year that Instagram made its debut.  I loved my little blogging/insta community. It was real, raw, and pure.  Friends from all over could share their photos instantly with adorable captions.  I had so many amazing connections with women over fashion, food, family, husbands, you name it!!

Fast forward to 2018 and my feed was filled with overly airbrushed images, ads to buy something and picture perfect squares of everyone’s perfect lives.  I knew that when I would scroll, put the phone down and then only to pick it right back up and scroll again, it wasn’t making me feel good.  I kept brushing it off because I still do have some amazing, inspiring and uplifting people that I follow—but that wasn’t how I was left feeling after looking at Instagram.

Instead of feeling empowered, I felt insecure, jealous, envy and literally joy was being sucked out of me.  I’d wish that my house was more perfect, that my kids could strike amazing poses for photos and that I must not really be inspiring anyone because, well? To be honest, I was hung up on the numbers.  I don’t have 21k followers.  Hell, I don’t have 1,000.  And I was beating myself up.  I must not be helping enough people.

Regardless, I was going through a low point, feeling sorry for myself, oh woe-is-me, playing the victim, and if I’m being brutally honest? I was ready to go to a Dr and ask for a little magical pill that would maybe make me feel happier.

All because of Instagram? No.  Absolutely not.

But I can say that taking a little fast from Instagram, helped me quiet my mind, soul and allowed me to truly listen.  I have never been addicted to anything, but I believe that I had a problem with incessantly checking this silly app! So once I removed it off my phone, a lot of things happened.

Instead of mindlessly scrolling, I picked up a book:

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This book seemed to speak to me and allow me to reflect on what the hell was going on inside my mind.  I didn’t read it cover to cover, but I don’t think that I needed to or was meant to.  I got what I needed out of it.  People need other people in order to not only survive but also thrive.  Staying home I clearly don’t get as much social interaction as I used to when I was a teacher, but somehow I stopped going out pretty much all together.  I’d get the groceries.  Visit my husband at his work.  Do the school drop off/pick up.  Take the kids to the occasional park or library.  Dance class.   But when was the last time I did a mommy meet up?  Play date?  Had fun with the kids some place other than home?

I immediately decided to take the kids to the Museum of Play that very next day since Brooke had a day off.  We had so much fun.  While they played in the “Vet clinic” for no joke, 45 minutes, I decided to look up the local gyms in my area.  Interestingly enough, the gym I was interested in was having a $1 sign up fee and $20 a month membership.  What?!  You know what I did? I took immediate action.  Why? Because that is how you conquer fear.  Anxiety.  Stress.  You do something. Anything!! After we left the museum I went straight to the gym and signed up. I knew that the classes would be excellent for me, I’d be more social and around happy, energetic and healthy people.

Know what? It’s working.

I’m not saying that medicine is a bad thing; if you honestly need anti-despressants or anti-anxiety meds then definitely take them!  I was at my OBGYN’s office Wednesday of last week telling him about how I had been feeling.  It seemed to coincide with my monthly cycle.  The sadness, crying, overwhelm.  He suggested I figure out the root of my problem, come to a solution and execute!  If that didn’t work then he obviously suggested that I go and talk to someone and maybe explore medicinal options if need be.

I can’t explain why I was feeling the way I was.  I have a beautiful life and everything I have ever dreamed of.  I listen to positive podcasts.  I read leadership books. I was grateful, writing gratitude lists, trying to cling to anything that seemed to try and help pull me from that funk.  The guilt I felt about just not feeling happy or well, was becoming overwhelming and only when I took the bull by the horns and acted upon something did it all change.

While I have only been going to the gym for a week, my body, mind and spirit are in so much better of a place.  I feel as though I’ve cleared some cobwebs, decluttered the social media accounts I choose to follow and have really begun to listen to what matters most.

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I’ve also started to listen to a little meditation on you tube each morning. Maybe about 10 minutes or so, and I just allow myself some time to wake up and listen to good things.  I feel like it helps our crazy morning routines go by with more ease, less stress and certainly more smiles.

As women, we can sometimes take other people’s problems on as our own.  It’s our job as a mom to fix boo boos, wipe tears and lend an ear.  I tend to be overly empathetic and while I know watching the news isn’t great for me, I didn’t realize how much toxic energy I was absorbing through social media apps.

I’m a little apprehensive in sharing all of this publicly, but as Brené Brown keeps speaking into my ear, the power lies in vulnerability. (I’m currently listening to her newest book, Dare to Lead.)  So I suppose I am sharing all of this on my blog so that if you’re feeling stressed, sad, overwhelmed or just not happy, I am suggesting that you get quiet.  I went and got a pedicure and put my phone down.  I read some of a book.  I listened to that still small voice that I don’t make enough time for.  It’s never too late to start something different.  To make one small change.  One step leads to so many more. After you get quiet, I also highly suggest you force yourself to work up a sweat.  10, 20 or 30 minutes whatever–get your body moving! Just as we were intended to be social creatures, our bodies crave movement.

I think I’ll be taking more “social media cleanses” and I know that checking myself has done more wonders than I could have imagined. Once I realized that time is our biggest gift and the one thing we can never ever get back, I knew I had to be more strict with my time.  Where my time goes, my energy flows.

 

And of course, in Jenn fashion, there are a few quotes that really resonated with me…

 

 

 

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You matter. You are beautiful.  You are strong.  You are brave.  You are real.  You are living this one life that is truly a gift.  When you fall down, brush yourself off and get back up.  You are not a victim; you and you alone are responsible for your happiness.  Happiness is your birthright.

All my love,
Jenn