Feel Good

I recently listened to Gabby’s latest book Super Attractor and it was fantastic.  I took this quote from it and it truly resonated with me.  I think sometimes as grown ups, we forget how to have fun, enjoy ourselves and allow ourselves to feel good.  As mamas, we often take care of everyone and everything else before we think about ourselves.  It’s so important that we remember!

 

For me, it was one of THE BIGGEST triggers or “bullet holes” I discovered when working with my life coach.  What was?  Oh, you know, allowing myself to feel good, or have fun, just for the heck of it.  For some reason I create boundaries for myself (I’m still working on it) where I don’t really ‘let loose’ or ‘have fun’ unless others are having fun.  Or my work is all done.  I have gotten a lot better at letting the ‘guilt’ go and really just focusing on ME at the present time.  I really do best when I get a workout in daily, write daily, and take time in the morning to reflect on my goals and dreams, as well as sit in quiet.  I journal, spend time looking through devotionals or other inspiring reads. It really helps set my mind right.

What I am learning is that the universe attracts more of what you put out. I’ve always loved the quote, “what you think about, you bring about.” But it’s so true.  The more you feel good, that good energy, happy vibe, the more you will attract.  If you’re stuck in a sad, lonely, victim mentality–that everyone is out to get you, you’ll simply attract more of that.  There’s a always a way out, and it’s to focus on yourself.  Do baby steps.  Cook a favorite recipe.  Go on a walk by yourself.  Journal.  Figure out what would start those feelings of enjoyment, happiness and ultimately live into that.  It will become your life.

I distinctly remember a wine tour my then boyfriend, now husband I and went on.  I was so worried and uptight over everyone else enjoying themselves, that honestly I was not having a good time!  I’ve done this a lot throughout my life.  Part of it is yes, I am a control freak (working on it) and also very in tune with others’ around me and their emotions.  (Hello, Empathy is my #1 strength.)  Over time I am learning that my happiness has nothing to do with other people and it’s okay for me to feel good, even if others around me don’t, can’t or won’t.  It is hard to watched loved ones and friends stew in their own misery, but Joe and I both work very hard at creating a calm, peaceful, happy and joyful life in our home.  Sometimes it’s best to just focus on yourself, and pray that others will find ways to feel good too.

What do you do for yourself to feel good?

“That Mom”

I’m not always ‘that mom.’ The one who brings in treat bags, cookies, cakes, games, or other thoughtful pieces of holiday goodness for little ones.  I’m not always smiling or feeling like I have my act together, because to be honest I don’t.  Most days I’m just doing my best, trying to remember all of the balls that are juggling in the air.

However, there are some days when I find the time, the little extra window in my day where I can appreciate the smallness of my children and drop into a Dollar Tree and put together silly little bags for dance class.

There’s a few reasons I felt called to write this post, and most importantly that it’s OKAY to be that mom who forgets or didn’t have time to do something extra.  It’s also OKAY to be the mom who does.

This morning as I worked out, I figured afterwards I would take Bradley over to the Dollar Tree and pick up some glow sticks for our pumpkins to light up.  I then remembered last year’s dance class “Halloween Party” and how it sent me spiraling into an emotional meltdown.  I feel that it’s important to share these things, because to some people, it may look like I have it all figured out.  I simply stay home, raise kids, cook a lot of food, run a real estate business, take care of two dogs and do most housework because my husband works crazy hours.  But the point is, I do it mostly alone, with little help here and there.  The pressure I put on myself (yup, it’s me and my mind!) can sometimes bring me to a breaking point, thus resulting in last year’s escapade.

I remember sending some friends a Marco Polo after getting home from dance class.  I just rewatched it, and man I want to hug that girl! My eyes were swollen from hysterically crying and I remember just feeling alone, like a failure and like I should just go on meds because I felt just absolutely crazy.  (Disclaimer, I do believe medicine has a purpose, I just don’t think it’s best for me, at this time.)

Why was I so upset?  Because I knew that Brooke (who was in her 4th year of dance) would be having a little Halloween party.  I knew the other moms/girls would have treats or trinkets for the girls to give out.  I also just didn’t go to the store and get some…

Prior to dance class I had been going around and around with a frustrating tenant who fell behind on the rent, and was arguing with me that he had paid x amount when my records showed differently.  I was extremely frustrated and since this was really the first tenant we had any issues with, it truly caught me off guard.  I let my emotions get in the way, some insecurities and such, and it just threw me.

But when I went to pick up Brooke at dance, I felt like she was the only one who didn’t have something to pass out to her little friends.  It killed me.  Now, I knew even then, that no one really cared about the candy (hello, they’d all be getting SO much more in another day trick-or-treating) but the fact was, that I enjoyed doing the little things for her and her dance friends.  I love holidays, even Halloween, mostly because of the magical element of innocence, simplicity and wonder it brings out in the kids.  I sat there, with tears welling in my eyes as I saw the girls exchange and Brookie looked at me like, where’s my bags to give out?  Of course her 5 year old self didn’t say anything, but it hurt and clearly still haunts me to today.  Why?  Because I was not being my authentic self that day.  It was a number of things that lead to that feeling, but I truly felt like a shell of myself this time last year.

It’s about the effort.  It’s about doing something, even if it’s little, if you can and want to.  It’s about not letting negative people who aren’t paying their rent, bring you down.  It’s about rising up even after you may have failed, and getting a second chance to do something right this time.  It’s about asking for help, whether it means paying a sitter a lot of money to have time away, or hiring a cleaning service to help you get your house back in order.  It’s about being the mom you want to be, not what anyone else may expect or want from you.  It’s about loving yourself in the moment, even if you don’t want to.

That girl a year ago had a lot of growing up to do.  It wasn’t just about not having a silly bag of Dollar Tree goodies (that may or may not end up in a dog’s mouth or the garbage) but it is more about SELF LOVE.  SELF COMPASSION.  SELF WORTH.  SELF IMPROVEMENT.  This past year I have worked on ME so much and it has made me a better, happier, stronger, mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, human.  Anyone who tells you differently, makes fun of you for working on YOU, has more work to do on themselves.  Let me say that again, any person who tries to say anything negative about loving herself, has a lot of growing to do and it’s not up to you to fix her.  We can only change ourselves, that is all.  Other can learn by us leading by example.

I had some major changes that had to take place that were not easy. Shortly after this episode, I had to walk away from a friendship that was no longer serving me.  I had to put myself first and join the gym again.  I had to surround myself with loving, encouraging friends that lifted my spirits. . . I needed to find out what made JENN happy. (This blog from last year explains a bit more.)

Life is not always easy, nor do I expect it so.  I think one of the most beautiful aspects of life is that we can look back and truly grow from our experiences.  I write all of these words not to brag about my goodie bag, but to share that you are right where you need to be right now, friend.  Whether you’re a mom or not, whether you are struggling, or feeling high on life, everything is going to be okay.  It’s not all perfect, it’s not all going to fall into place, but each day we have the chance to be a little better than we were yesterday.

So stop beating yourself up about what you did or didn’t get to do, and maybe just go out and do it now.  Make the cookies.  Join the gym.  Read the book.  Cancel the cable.  Take the class.  Join the side hustle.  Whatever is speaking to your soul, listen.  The more wound up I find myself getting, the more I need to simplify and quiet my world around me so that I can hear what I am being called to do.

I hope that you can begin to listen too.

 

Post Life Coaching Feels

I’ve been a few weeks out of my Life Coaching experience with the amazingly talented Lindsay Preston, and I wanted to give a bit of an update.  I wanted to let myself absorb back into my ‘new normal’ and WOWZA.   That’s about the only ‘word’ that comes to mind when I think about my life right now.

If I am being honest, I have been having a bit of trouble putting words on paper (or blog) for how I feel.  I know that it was not a little pill or a magic wand, so I understand why I do feel so different, (in a good way too!) but it’s hard to truly explain the awesome that is, when we take the time to work on ourselves.

Transparent moment:

2 years ago, my husband was turning 40, we were running this newer company with our real estate, changing everything from one thing to another. I had a 2 year old, a 4 year old, poor relationships with my family and his, and I felt so lost.  I look back at photos and though I was in great physical health (still trying to work back to that bod!) really, I was so sad.  I felt like I had no control over anything (hello, we don’t always have control Jenn, and that’s ok!) but also I was leaning in trying to “find Jesus” and be saved or something. {It didn’t happen.}  I learned to just trust and wait the process of life, and honestly just keep going.  Through a lot of communication, life did get better, but fast forward to last year, and again, I would have these moments where I just felt paralyzed and couldn’t figure out “WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?!”  I’d have these highs and lows of how great and amazing life was, and then crash, something bad would happen and I’d falter and stumble and feel like I failed at life. Dramatic much? Yes.  But the truth is, in my 38 years here on earth, life is exactly that.  There’s going to be a whole lotta good that comes to us, and things to celebrate; life is meant to be beautiful and abundant.  But we wouldn’t understand how amazing it is, if we didn’t have some bad.

With Lindsay’s life coaching, she can’t take away our problems or solve terrible situations.  What she did do for me though, was give me the tools to help me when those bad times arise.  The times when I start to slip or feel not good enough.  The moments when I start to doubt myself or start to snap at my husband or kids for really “no apparent reason.”  I don’t blame my hormones, the weather, the food, my lack of workouts any more, nope.  It’s me.  And it’s not for “no apparent reason.”  There’s good reason why you are yelling, crying, feeling so overwhelmed.  I’ve also started asking myself, “What is this teaching me?” When something is going wrong, or I’m experiencing a trial of sorts.  I used to hear that phrase and roll my eyes and now I live by it.

So what do I do? (note it happened yesterday & again today)

I stop everything as fast as I can.  I still do what needs to get done, but then you guys, I mean it, you just need to press pause.  

I get quiet.  Even if it’s in a room locking your dogs and kids out of it for 5 minutes. Talk out loud to yourself, to a friend, to your mom.  If you have more time, grab a journal.  Writing was always so wonderful for me, but for whatever reason I abandoned it. Finding this tool again has been LIFE CHANGING. Get whatever it is out of that system of yours.  You don’t have to blog publicly or video your feelings, if you don’t want to, but the important thing I have learned is to get to the root of your problem.  For me, it’s so powerful to use that tool of journaling to figure out what is really making me so upset. I give my IMG (inner mean girl) a voice.  Let her be heard and allow yourself to feel.  Then I move on!

How?? Well I will say that I went through a life-changing process to release past emotions and blocks.  These were things that I didn’t quite realize that were holding me back from becoming my true authentic self.  Again, it was not easy, but once I devoted the time, had the support from my coach Lindsay and close friends/family and especially my husband, I realized the sky was the limit.  The best part?  I have this process tucked into my back pocket for the rest of my life.  At any point I am feeling stuck, emotionally stagnated or like I need to get over it, I will repeat the lessons I’ve learned.

I’ve said it before, but I’ve read the books. I’ve listened to the podcasts.  I have watched the You Tube videos and followed all the people posting all of the things.  It’s not a quick fix, but the tools learned in the 21 day Life Luvers Course and then the Unstoppable package, have truly done so much good.  I’m able to commit to my goals, stay on track and not lose sight no matter how hard things get.  I’m still counting my “wins” as Lindsay calls them.  Yesterday, they were as big as getting myself out of the ‘funk’ I felt as I felt myself slipping.  Normally that would have taken me days you guys!! Another win was when my husband came home, he had a bit of a panic/freak out moment of all the things not so great happening in real estate.  I’m talking, legit, problems.  I calmly heard him, and the old me would have taken it personally, been upset, defensive, argued back, but instead I listened. I heard him, let him have his moment, and we moved on.  I was always such a stress case, the one who would worry so very much about every little thing, and now?  I cast the worries—aka I write them out, and write some more.  And then let them go.  I’ve become so connected with the universe and the divine, I no longer have the uptight feeling in my chest. No heart palpitations. No impulse need to buy things.  It’s blissful.  It’s work, but once you get to this other side, you want to work so very hard to stay here.  Even today I had some things come flying at me, but I knew I needed to stop, breathe, write, workout, and I totally pumped myself up with Rachel Hollis and then GOT MY WORK DONE.  The perfectionist in me likes to put things off for fear of doing it right or getting it wrong, but I just dove in.  Checked off the list. [I learned all of this through my work with Lindsay!!!!!]

I am finally at the point where I can lay my head on the pillow knowing that I did everything I possibly could have done for the day, and that is enough for me.  I am enough for me.  It may have taken 38 years to feel this calm and intentional presence, but it’s so worth all of the work.  We’ll spend so much money and time on makeup, workouts, fast fix meals, toys, gadgets, tv shows, accessories, clothes, alcohol etc.  But we won’t spend time or money on fixing, healing and working on ourselves.  However, when we invest in ourselves, everything changes.  Everything changes for the better.

If you’re still feeling like everyone else has found “it” and you’re running on E, take a chance on yourself and jump in on Lindsay’s next round of Life Luvers LIVE starting on Monday 9/9.  You can use my code JENN20 to get $20 off!! I promise, it’s $77 worth every penny!!  At the very least, please head to her site  (www.LindsayEPreston.com) to take her coaching assessment to see if you’d be good to work together so you can get in on that live group.  The value of the group coaching is HUGE with this, as you will feed off of the other ladies energy and momentum will skyrocket you to that next level you are looking for.

I am in no way shape or form getting paid from writing this, nor am I getting a commission off of anyone who signs up.  I’m just a girl who loves to blog.  I love life. I love being happy, and I love helping others find their way.  Just knowing maybe one lady will click her way to success, or love, or happiness from reading my heart here on this old blog, I know I’m living into my purpose.

There happens to be another course after Unstoppable, but at this time I am taking a break to focus on our business, the kids going back to school and my final year of being a “stay at home mom.”  I know that Lindsay’s door is always open and I know I’ll be taking advantage of her one on one calls (I have one scheduled this Saturday!!) to work through some blocks I see happening in my business.  I am forever grateful my life has lead me here, and I truly wish each and every one of my readers this feeling of bliss.

Today

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Stopping by with a quickie today!!

I must say that my 21 day habits with my Life Coach Lindsay Preston during this Unstoppable Woman course are SOOO worth it!  I am not one to successfully complete something for x amount of straight days, without making an excuse.  Sure, I do stepbets, but they’re for 6 weeks and you get a day off in the week.  But here is something so powerful in doing the same thing for 13 days straight—I feel so empowered!  I also feel so much more at ease, I think because I’m doing a daily yoga practice.  I cannot wait to see how I’m doing after 21 days!!

My 3 habits:

1.) Daily Mantra: I am free to be me.

2.) 10 (or more) minutes of Yoga with Adriene.

3.) Blogging every day— have you noticed that yet?  🙂

I am content.  I am grounded.  I am satisfied.  I am happy.  I am rich.  I am loved.  I am strong.  I am healthy.  I am alive. I am free.  I am me. I am love.

 

What is one small habit you could do daily for 21 days straight? (Small, attainable and something to fill a need.)

Becoming Unstoppable: Getting Ready for Action

Phew!! Can I get a woop woop??

I’m feeling high on life my friends.  I am literally 1/3 of the way through my current Life Coaching program with Lindsay Preston.  I am getting quite a few comments or questions from friends who are intrigued, but don’t know if Life Coaching is for them.  It is.  If you think you have more to get or give out of life, then you do.  If you’re feeling stuck in your current business or life, then it’s time.  It’s time to stop drinking away the feelings, shopping away the fears, hanging out with the wrong people, becoming a zombie in front of your TV, or Ipad, or whatever.  Stop the madness people!! Sure it’s a “quick fix” but as Taylor Swift says, (and Lindsay uses the term bullet holes for a reason!) “bandaids don’t fix bullet holes.

In my last blog post, I opened up and shared some of my icky memories from my life.  I didn’t share what the feelings (bullet holes) caused, but we are going to work on fixing them.   The behaviors I have accepted in my past and allowed to continue into my present (and would most likely have allowed in my future) will be no more!! Unfortunately Lindsay doesn’t have a magic wand, but she sure seems like a fairy godmother to me!!  Week 4 was a tough one for me.  I had to face myself and take a quick assessment to see how many things I still tolerate in my life.  Out of a list of 20, you guys–I put up with 10.  TEN!! (one example is “it is easy for me to say no to people.) I consider myself a strong and independent woman, and this just broke me.  I started recognizing patterns in my life that I’m not happy with…and guess what? I have the power to change.  Yup.  It’s not going to be easy, but oh I can feel it’s going to be worth its weight in gold!

Another thing we had to look at was how we are meeting our needs.  Based on what needs we feel that we need to fulfill, we have created some goals and habits on how to reach them.  Not going to lie, this is the part that is firing me up.  I am not sharing my 21 day habits yet, but once I am in my routine, I will for sure share them and let you know how they’re going.  I have 3 that I will be doing daily for 21 days and I’ve been playing around with them and it’s feeling amazing already.

I have got to say the best and biggest advice/tool that I have learned has still got to be journaling.  Lindsay was pretty strict on this saying that we really need to write for 30 minutes a day, and I will be honest…I kind of doubted that it would really be that helpful. (oops) and what I have found out, is that by writing (not blogging, but in a personal space) I am giving my IMG a voice.  She can cry, rant, scream, swear, and be as negative and mad as she wants…and you know what happens then?  My authentic self started shining through–just like the sun shining after a terrible storm.  I swear there were rainbows.

I feel like I can breathe.

I see my future, I feel my present and I am so damn loving to myself right now, you guys, I went and bought a new bikini at Target today.  I loved on myself and all of my flaws. My soft belly, my stretchmarks, my less than perky post-breastfeeding boobs.  I embraced what I saw, and high-fived my damn self. I’m not perfect, but this is HUGE for me.  I don’t talk about my physical body imperfections much and I do try to stay healthy, but I will say usually my IMG tears me to shreds.  So the cellulite on the back on my legs?  It’s there.  But I know my strong muscles help me crush each and every day that I am alive.

So although my inner work has been, well, work, there is something almost magical happening.  I wish for every woman to feel this.  The more we can love and accept all of ourselves, the less we would get mad at strangers on the internets, or having squabbles in real life.  I am becoming a better mom, wife, woman every day.  I feel it in my bones.  Success isn’t a straight onward and upward motion.  I know that there will be a few steps forward and one step back.  It’s when I’m stepping back, that I am getting calm, focusing on what needs to be changed, so that I can go even further.  Now, I’ve done this time and time again by myself, but having an actual coach to work with me through this, is making all of the difference.  *cue the song…Don’t believe me just watch.

If this is something you’re craving, just take a chance.  See how amazing you can feel; if you’re not feeling that amazing…I’ve been there sister, I know it’s not fun.  There is a way and you can find it.  Perhaps you’re reading this right now thinking, what if?  Just take the leap.  Take Lindsay’s FREE assessment and get on that phone with her.  Shen won’t change your life, but she will coach you to do it yourself. Don’t forget to use the code JENN20 if you want to save $20 on the Life Luvers course!!