Free to be ME

This photo captures the beauty of life still moving, in this case the sun setting, and yet not being totally overwhelmed, consumed and bogged down by the daily demands.

Every morning the sun rises, and every evening the sun sets.  We wake up, have endless amounts of ideas running through our minds, activities to attend, meals to prepare and eat, people to take care of, books to read, obligations that need to be fulfilled and duties to be performed.

I’ve always thought of myself as a happy person, but I will admit my emotions ran me most of the time.  I have always felt so damn close to being exactly where I want, and what I want, but then something would happen and I’d lose that feeling.  Well, since working with my Life Coach Lindsay Preston in her Life Luvers Course and then followed it up with her Unstoppable Woman program, I can honestly say to myself and to the world, I have unlocked so many doors.

As I try to put into words the power of the work that I have done, it almost feels impossible.  There were parts when it was super hard and I certainly did not like opening up some old wounds, but with her help, Lindsay gave me the tools to heal myself for once and for all.  I’m not saying I won’t have past issues re-surface, but now that I know what to do, I no longer fear them.   Most importantly, I learned to forgive, especially myself.

I mentioned that I was to do three 21 Day Habits.  You guys, I did them.  ALL. THREE!! It was easy to do, but it would have been oh so easy not to do as well.  I did my daily yoga, even when I was ready for bed and pushed it until the very end of the evening, I still pulled out my iPad and did some goodnight yoga stretches.  I blogged every day for 21 days, even if it was just a quote and photo.  I also repeated my mantra to myself every day, for 21 days straight, “I am free to be me.”

Do you know what happened?

  • I became more calm and got mad/frustrated less.  (ie. not yelling/snapping at kids or dogs)
  • I drew boundaries in my life where I realized there needed to be some.  (Business wise, familial, friendships)
  • I gained a sense of confidence in my writing, opening up and sharing poetry here, no longer caring if anyone liked it or not.
  • I got really intentional with my time, making my 24 hours in my day extremely valuable to me.
  • I stopped feeling the guilt if I let someone down (aka the people pleaser in me) when I realized I simply cannot do it all.
  • I learned to love my body, the way it is, even if it’s not perfect.
  • My relationship with my husband has gotten even better, and I have to say we have a great marriage, but this work has improved it even more so!
  • I am so attune with God, mother nature, the universe.
  • I no longer hold grudges or question, “why me?”  I started asking, “What is this teaching me?”
  • My weird heart palpitations are completely gone.  The Dr sent me home with Lexapro, told me I had bad anxiety…I have felt more zen than ever before, and life is anything but smooth sailing. (hello house fire at one of properties)
  • I’ve opened up even further to our business and am becoming more confident as I step further into this entrepreneur role.
  • I am just so “in flow” as I always call it.  I just feel lighter — and not like lbs, just not a sense of heaviness weighing me down.
  • I can feel myself slipping into my “IMG” and can pull myself back into my authentic self with the proper tools Lindsay taught me.

 

Lindsay will be running Life Luvers again LIVE starting on Monday 9/9 and they can use your code to get $20.  This is so powerful when you do it amongst a group of women!  The energy that flows is so contagious and so much growth can happen in such a short time.  If you are at all intrigued, hop over to her site  (www.LindsayEPreston.com) to take her coaching assessment to see if you are good to work together so you can get in that live group!!  Don’t forget to use the code JENN20 when you sign up, and save $20!

I know it seems like a lot of work, and I won’t lie, putting in the time to better myself was not always easy…but if you just take it one day at a time, one step at a time, I can promise you that life will get better, things seem to get easier, and you’ll gain a clarity that you’ve perhaps only dreamed of.

I started with two 90 Day Goals at the start of this Unstoppable Woman course.

Goal 1:  Improve my time management. At the start of this course, I gave myself a “3” out of 10.  I felt it was reasonable and attainable to achieve my goal. I wrote, “By the end of unstoppable, I will be at a 10.  I will feel less chaotic, and there will be a flow with my days. —- WOW!  I can say that I am there.  I feel in control, even on the days I have zero control, I am still in flow with my crazy.  (Owning your own real estate biz has so many unexpected twists!)

Goal 2: Improve my communication about me.  I will be okay with celebrating wins.  I gave myself a 6 on the scale at the start of this program.  At the end of 90 days, I won’t hide/skirt around my needs, wants and desires.  At the end of Unstoppable, I will be free to be me.  –again, WOW!!  I would say here I am at a 10.  I no longer hold back in fear of what others may think, say or do.  I honestly display my feelings, thoughts and stand firm in my beliefs.  My communication has honestly improved in all important relationships in my life and I feel nothing but gratitude and abundance, and of course, love.

I am just wrapping up the final weeks of this course, and just wish everyone could put in this kind of work to better themselves.  I’ve read countless self-improvement books, listened to audio, watched a ton of motivational speakers, but none of them have given me this literal step-by-step guide of how to get to the other side.

Becoming Unstoppable: Getting Ready for Action

Phew!! Can I get a woop woop??

I’m feeling high on life my friends.  I am literally 1/3 of the way through my current Life Coaching program with Lindsay Preston.  I am getting quite a few comments or questions from friends who are intrigued, but don’t know if Life Coaching is for them.  It is.  If you think you have more to get or give out of life, then you do.  If you’re feeling stuck in your current business or life, then it’s time.  It’s time to stop drinking away the feelings, shopping away the fears, hanging out with the wrong people, becoming a zombie in front of your TV, or Ipad, or whatever.  Stop the madness people!! Sure it’s a “quick fix” but as Taylor Swift says, (and Lindsay uses the term bullet holes for a reason!) “bandaids don’t fix bullet holes.

In my last blog post, I opened up and shared some of my icky memories from my life.  I didn’t share what the feelings (bullet holes) caused, but we are going to work on fixing them.   The behaviors I have accepted in my past and allowed to continue into my present (and would most likely have allowed in my future) will be no more!! Unfortunately Lindsay doesn’t have a magic wand, but she sure seems like a fairy godmother to me!!  Week 4 was a tough one for me.  I had to face myself and take a quick assessment to see how many things I still tolerate in my life.  Out of a list of 20, you guys–I put up with 10.  TEN!! (one example is “it is easy for me to say no to people.) I consider myself a strong and independent woman, and this just broke me.  I started recognizing patterns in my life that I’m not happy with…and guess what? I have the power to change.  Yup.  It’s not going to be easy, but oh I can feel it’s going to be worth its weight in gold!

Another thing we had to look at was how we are meeting our needs.  Based on what needs we feel that we need to fulfill, we have created some goals and habits on how to reach them.  Not going to lie, this is the part that is firing me up.  I am not sharing my 21 day habits yet, but once I am in my routine, I will for sure share them and let you know how they’re going.  I have 3 that I will be doing daily for 21 days and I’ve been playing around with them and it’s feeling amazing already.

I have got to say the best and biggest advice/tool that I have learned has still got to be journaling.  Lindsay was pretty strict on this saying that we really need to write for 30 minutes a day, and I will be honest…I kind of doubted that it would really be that helpful. (oops) and what I have found out, is that by writing (not blogging, but in a personal space) I am giving my IMG a voice.  She can cry, rant, scream, swear, and be as negative and mad as she wants…and you know what happens then?  My authentic self started shining through–just like the sun shining after a terrible storm.  I swear there were rainbows.

I feel like I can breathe.

I see my future, I feel my present and I am so damn loving to myself right now, you guys, I went and bought a new bikini at Target today.  I loved on myself and all of my flaws. My soft belly, my stretchmarks, my less than perky post-breastfeeding boobs.  I embraced what I saw, and high-fived my damn self. I’m not perfect, but this is HUGE for me.  I don’t talk about my physical body imperfections much and I do try to stay healthy, but I will say usually my IMG tears me to shreds.  So the cellulite on the back on my legs?  It’s there.  But I know my strong muscles help me crush each and every day that I am alive.

So although my inner work has been, well, work, there is something almost magical happening.  I wish for every woman to feel this.  The more we can love and accept all of ourselves, the less we would get mad at strangers on the internets, or having squabbles in real life.  I am becoming a better mom, wife, woman every day.  I feel it in my bones.  Success isn’t a straight onward and upward motion.  I know that there will be a few steps forward and one step back.  It’s when I’m stepping back, that I am getting calm, focusing on what needs to be changed, so that I can go even further.  Now, I’ve done this time and time again by myself, but having an actual coach to work with me through this, is making all of the difference.  *cue the song…Don’t believe me just watch.

If this is something you’re craving, just take a chance.  See how amazing you can feel; if you’re not feeling that amazing…I’ve been there sister, I know it’s not fun.  There is a way and you can find it.  Perhaps you’re reading this right now thinking, what if?  Just take the leap.  Take Lindsay’s FREE assessment and get on that phone with her.  Shen won’t change your life, but she will coach you to do it yourself. Don’t forget to use the code JENN20 if you want to save $20 on the Life Luvers course!! 

Inner Mean Girl Vs. Authentic Self

Happy Thursday friends!! What a beautiful day to be alive.

I’ve been doing some real estate work, but took a quick lunch break here at home because I wanted to share my progress that I’ve been making with my Life Coach Lindsay Preston.

In week 3 we really went deep diving into our past experiences and ruffled up all sorts of things.  I told you how I had to write out my life’s “Timeline” and it had some not so pleasant things from my past. We all do though right? We had to pull our bullet holes as Lindsay calls them.  My parents’ divorce was a super hard one for me, as was my youngest sister getting into drugs.  I also realized that while I loved teaching and valued my education, when I got my Master’s Degree, I swept it under the rug like NBD.  Whaaaaa???  I remember Joe taking me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate and taking my photo while I held up my certificate.  But I remember NOT wanting to go to the ceremony to walk across the stage or inviting anyone to celebrate me.  Which is weird, because if you know me I love to celebrate and looking back this makes me sad.  I know that my family was in a pretty bad spot and I recall my middle sister graduating a few years prior and it was a disaster with the step-mom/dad and mom situation.  Either way, I realized that I have a VERY hard time enjoying myself if I am well aware that others won’t enjoy themselves either. I spend way too much time worrying about other people’s happiness than just focusing on my own.  Phew. That was a lot.  I also know how far I’ve come with my familial relationships.  No one is perfect, I get that, neither am I, hello, I am only human.  But the fact is we have experiences that may hurt us or leave us wounded and if we don’t spend time healing these wounds, they tend to continue showing up.  Examples? My dad and step-mom got married without my sisters and I knowing and/or being there.  My step-brother was there, but man did that one sting! I had to forgive and move forward on that one and it wasn’t easy.  Another biggie?  My mom didn’t come to my wedding.  Yup.  Pretty much the biggest day of my life and she wasn’t there.  Since that was almost 9 years ago, I’ve spent a lot of time working on healing that one as well.  Present day, I speak to all members of my family and we are all just doing our best.  I work on coming from a place of love, and try so very hard to use compassion when dealing with everyone. Why am I sharing this? Because we ALL HAVE OUR OWN ISH TO DEAL WITH!!  You can spend time crying and playing victim, or you can dig into that wound a little bit, feel the pain and eventually heal and move on.  I will say there are some people, family or not, that don’t play a role in my life and I’ve learned to accept that and be at peace with that too.

We spent time learning about our Inner Mean Girl (IMG) and who she is.  You may have heard this voice a time or two; it’s the one being negative, also known as the ego, limited beliefs, doubting yourself, correcting weaknesses, being fake or inauthentic.  She’s the one who will hold you back from being your true self, otherwise known as your Authentic Self (AS).

When you’re living in your AS, you are confident, original, aware, positive, loving unconditionally, and focused on your strengths.  I called this “being aligned” prior to my work with Lindsay, as I am a huge Gabrielle Bernstein fan.  What I didn’t realize was how normal it was to find yourself shifting between your IMG and your AS.  More importantly, I struggled with how to get out of my IMG and back into my AS. I didn’t know why this was happening, and that’s where this Unstoppable Course has really done me so much good.

One of my top strengths is Input, so I need to know all the things. I enjoy reading/researching and understanding how things work, but I have NEVER taken so much time to figure out how I work.  How is it that I have floated around for 37 years, fairly well, without truly getting to the core of ME?  I’m not sure, but I am ready to take myself to the next level.

Knowing the difference between My IMG and AS is so important for me to reach that next level. I have never labeled my “negative feelings” or understood why I would feel awesome for a bit and then slip back into a weird funk– NO MORE!!! The funks will be less and less and I can truly envision myself always being authentically me.

My two top IMGs: perfectionist and people pleaser. While I really thought I had my perfectionistic issues handled when I had my children — hello nothing goes as planned! But the reality is, I still beat myself up when things aren’t going ‘right’ or rather, the way I see that they should. I always have super high expectations of myself and others.  As demonstrated from my memories above, you can see that my people pleasing can go so far as to shrink myself and my successes, but this is coming to an end. I realize that there is enough out there for anyone to be happy, financially free and have whatever dream come true that she may be chasing; you just have to want it badly enough to do the time and work.  I believe that I am a nurturer by nature, which makes me an excellent mom and wife (especially to a man with Crohn’s Disease) but I also know it can hinder me from taking care of me.

One of the major takeaways after discovering my inner mean girls is that I’m always in control, my IMG is not. She may try to sabotage me, tell me not to post something, not follow through with a plan or idea, but the fact is she’s trying to protect me. I’ve been hurt (haven’t we all) through the years and I’ve built in some tactics to “keep me safe” but as we all know, safe means stunted. It means I can’t grow, change, take risks and see how amazing I can be.

Now that I understand my IMG, I know I can simply tell her that I’m fine and she doesn’t need to worry. When I’m living in my authentic self, I feel free to be me. That’s one of my mantras! I feel calm and intentional. I connect with people better, my relationships thrive, I come from a place of love and understanding vs a “the world is out to get me.” I recognize what no longer serves me and am at peace with the people and things I have let go.

If you’re starting to get an itch to see if you and Lindsay would be a fabulous match, head on over and take her FREE assessment and hop on her FREE call! Ladies I am telling you, no one wants to do the work, but everyone wants to rewards.  If you want to live into your best self with no regrets at the end of your days, wait no more.  I believe that if you’re reading this, it’s a sign that you should just do it.  Spend the $77 and put you first and become a Life Luver.  (Using code JENN20 to save that $20!!)

PS this was me, being my authentic self, opening up and sharing some pretty vulnerable moments from my past.  The work I have been doing on myself is truly showing me how amazing it is, to feel free to be me. 

Wellness Wednesday: Unstoppable Woman

I am woman, hear me ROAR!  Is it just me or does even the name of this course want to make you just jump up and scream?! In a good way of course.  Wowza ladies — I am entering into my 3rd week of The Become an Unstoppable Woman course with Lindsay Preston.  Can I just stop and say a few words?  And no, I’m not just blowing smoke, nor am I lying, but you guys, LIFE IS SO FREAKING GREAT!!!  Is it perfect?  Heck no.  I’m not looking for perfection though, I am working towards two (yup, just two!) goals at the moment.  These are my 90 Day Goals that I set with Lindsay on a personal VIP call with her.  (Totally worth every stinkin penny to get on that phone with this incredible woman!!)  Remember, a goal without an action is just a day dream. It’s important that your goals be measurable, attainable and within a time frame.

She took me step by step on crafting these goals.  The first goal kind of came out naturally as I had been thinking about it for a bit; I felt like it was something kind of gnawing at me from the inside out.  The second one took some time discussing with Lindsay thoughts that were swirling around in my mind.

My First Goal:

I will be able to communicate who I am at a level 10.  (scale 1-10) I will not hide/skirt around my needs/wants/desires.  At the end of 90 days I will be FREE TO BE ME.  I will live in my authentic voice and not worry about what others think about me. Right now I feel like my communication about me is at a 6; I am uncomfortable celebrating WINS and truly share what’s on my heart at times.

Mantra:  I am free to be me. 

My Second Goal:

By the end of Unstoppable, I’ll be at a 10 with my time management.  I will feel less chaotic, and there will be a flow with my days.  I currently feel like I’m at a 3– feeling unproductive, flying around the house/driving here, there and everywhere trying to keep up with everyone and everything with very little time “for me.”

Mantra:  My time is valuable. 

It took me some time to think of a good mantra, because I wanted it to be short and sweet, as well as effective!! I have noticed GREAT improvements with my mind just by repeating the original mantra I came up with in the Life Luvers course, I am worthy.  

{Remember you can still use code: JENN20 and save $20 and grab the Life Luvers course for just $77!!}

I will be totally honest and say that I kind of thought mantras were dumb.  I have tried affirmations before but they didn’t really do much for me and never really made me feel any different.  The only thing I can attribute this current success is that Lindsay’s course took me through a process (which is backed by neuroscience!) to really delve into my inner beliefs, subconscious thoughts and figure out why the heck I feel stuck!!

In module 1 we really discussed the need to write more.  Like a lot more.  Like every. Single. Day. More. 30+ minutes you should write and reflect.

Did you know writing can:

  • increase self awareness and you’ll feel less crappy?
  •  increase your thinking ability and you’ll be more authentic
  • “get you out of your own head”
  • reduce stress
  • open yourself up to self-love/compassion

I find it very odd when people don’t want to love on themselves, or think about what it is they truly want.  The biggest and most important relationship you can have is with yourself.  (I’m sure some will roll their eyes and say, no it should be with God but I’m not here to have a religious debate) and that’s fine.  But if God’s first, I sure hope you’re a super close second.  No one will be with you, in your mind, in your heart, and for the rest of YOUR LIFE.  If you’re unhappy, jealous, insecure, frustrated, feeling like the world is out to get your, mad at this person, ticked off about that…then you’ve got some work to do girlfriend. The good news? You don’t have to do it alone.

If anyone tells you that you shouldn’t work on you or ‘do you’ or spend time with yourself, I AM CALLING MAJOR BS!! That person most likely has some severe (and I mean SEVERE) IMG (inner mean girl) issues that she has not nor is ready to address.  I will say that it has been super hard for me to put myself first, as a mom and wife to a very busy/hard working man, I often leave myself off the to-do list.  I may not take the time to meal prep to eat like I should, invest time at the gym/exercise, enjoy quiet time with a book, write in my journal, tap my fingers on these old keys…and since taking Lindsay’s courses, something major has happened.  I feel as though I’m becoming who I am truly meant to be.

Another tool that’s been SO useful is what Lindsay refers to as “Do You Time.”

  • it is not selfish
  • it is needed
  • it is more than okay to prioritize yourself

My list of “do you time” includes things like:

  • Zumba class
  • blogging
  • reading
  • cooking/baking
  • walks outside
  • tea time
  • long hot shower
  • specific playlists (soft jazz or even some gangsta rap, depending on my moods!)
  • spa day
  • slowing down
  • taking photos

I’m so excited for this continued journey and am going to be opening up more on my next post about my personal ‘bullet holes’ aka, limiting beliefs that are causing me to not progress further.  They’re not fun to talk about, bring up, or even think about, but I am sharing my story here in hopes that it inspires another woman to be able to work more on herself.

I’ve been truly connecting with a divine presence lately and feel as though I am called to be more vulnerable, authentic and share some of my pains/hurts in hopes that it helps others.  If I can help even just one more woman out there, then I know my words here are not useless.  I am here to inspire, that is all!

(Sneak peek:  My timeline of my memories starts with me being born in 1981, my family, attending college 1999-2003, landing my dream job teaching, my parents’ divorce, a bad relationship/breakup, meeting my now husband, my Master’s degree, parental drama, and much more! I will reveal some of my ‘bullet holes’ from these memories.)

Don’t forget that Lindsay offers a free assessment for you to see if you’d be a good match to work with her and become a Life Luver or even better, an Unstoppable Woman! If you have any questions don’t hesitate to e-mail me jenndellefave@gmail and I’ll happily share more thoughts on this life coaching experience.

Luv Yourself

Hey there!!

While I try to stick to a super strict schedule, this week just threw me!! I am gonna take responsibility and I know that I am to blame, but I’ve been working on some anxiety (totally not used to feeling that way!) and it’s been a tough week.  But the tough parts are what make us stronger, right?  And I have been SO grateful for this opportunity to work with Lindsay Preston and be in this Life Luvers 21 Day Challenge.

I shared last week in my blog post that it was getting real and holy cow, how hard it was for me to put ME first more often!! If you’re new here, please read my first post on Life Coaching and what to expect from me weekly, as far as sharing my experience etc.

It’s all about fitting it in, no matter what and I really try to sit soak up each day’s lesson (hello forever a student of life!) and the more I work on my mind, I notice the better I want to take care of my body.  Note, the beet juice and protein waffle!

One thing Lindsay had us do before we even started the 21 Day Challenge, was taking this Strengths Finder quiz through Gallup.  My top five strengths came up as such:

I see these as strengths, but I’m not going to lie, I also immediately saw them as weaknesses too.  (Turns out that’s my Inner Mean Girl talking, so she needs to shhh!) But really, now the lesson to be had is how do I harness these strengths?  What can I do to use them to the best of my ability and really take myself to that next level?  She also gave us a bunch of tools to use to research our strengths, what they mean, and how to apply them to our life.  I have to giggle that “learner” is on there because while I know I am quite stern on the importance of education (not just formal education but learning anything in life!) this just re-affirmed it as well.

Another awesome tool Lindsay provided was the concept of a “Wins” Journal.  Each day, week, month, quarter, she says to sit down and write down your inside wins (changes inside yourself) and outside wins (changes outside of yourself).  Then, after you’ve taken the time to reflect and see your wins, the most important part is to celebrate.  Yup! How often do you let life pass you by without stopping to really soak that win up?

I took a photo of my cute journal next to my LV.  Sure it’s a pretty bag, but I’ve never shard why it means so much to me.  Last year we were working hard on selling quite a few houses and Joe was super busy working (legit no days off for like 20 days or something crazy!)  I sold one of the homes Rent to Own.  Granted, I do a lot of the calls etc in the biz, but this was different because not only did I go back forth with text messaging, phone calls, showing the house etc, but I also met with the couple and collected the deposit all by myself!  I went over the deal, explained everything and did it on the day my dad had a huge surgery (his lung removed from cancer.)   I was beyond nervous to do it all alone since Joe is usually the main talker, but I knew I had to jump in at some point.  I felt so proud afterwards!  This was a HUGE win looking back on it.  I reached a goal of selling a house, I overcame my personal fear of not being “good enough” at real estate investing to do it alone, I didn’t allow Joe not being there stop me, I was able to let go of limiting beliefs and provide an amazing couple with a home to live in! I gained so much confidence after this experience it was nuts.

What started out as a joke, turned into my purse.  I don’t collect a paycheck from our business, but I really work hard for us and wanted to earn this bag more than anything.   Looking back on it, I realized that I celebrated a win!  Now, this was clearly a big splurge and no I don’t go buy myself a new Louis for every home I sell (yet) but I do believe that counting your wins is important.  I don’t share my bag to boast, but simply to show that celebrating IS in fact so so important!  When we go out of our comfort zones and prove to ourselves that anything IS possible, think of how much further we can go?

Your celebrations can be smaller too, like giving yourself the gift of time for tea and a good book.  You can go grab a mani/pedi, or simply stroll the aisles of Target with a latté.  When we are intentional with our time and energy, and we begin celebrating ourselves more often, it will feel less icky.  I also believe it will lead to even more wins.

Another exercise was to find a photo of ourselves as a child.  I had my mom send me a bunch of photos via text and this one just stuck right out.  It’s who I am authentically!! This smile–the nose scrunch, the confident hands on the hips, messy long hair, happy eyes, healthy weight–it’s all who I am at my core.  Even the chubby cheeks, I still rock em.  I think I’m probably about Brooke’s age here, maybe 5-7? Not entirely sure.  This is the girl God made me to be, now I just need to work on bringing her to the surface as an adult more.

IMG_2700 2

Speaking of “authentic selves” if you are curious to see how close you are to being your authentic self, take this super short quiz Lindsay created! How Strong is Your Authentic Self? I am pretty close, but certainly have some areas to work on and improve.

Be sure to follow Linday on her social media pages, as she shares personal stuff on her insta-stories as well as lots of girl power, go get em, inspirational quotes on her FB and Instagram!

She also has a kick ass podcast you should listen to as well!

This journey is so good you guys; I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, as nothing worth having in life is, but I do feel like the more I keep pouring into myself and then putting myself out there, I am receiving back.  The abundance of love and gratitude I have for other amazing souls in my life is huge.  I’m really seeing who truly belongs in my life and those whom I cannot give so much time to.

Check back in next week as I share more progress and other tips and tricks Lindsay shares with us in our group!!  I hope you are enjoying seeing me breakdown things each week and talk about my journey. If you have any questions about life coaching or what I’m sharing, please don’t hesitate to ask! You can e-mail me, private message me on Instagram or FB or leave a comment.