It’s a windy day here this Wednesday of “Spring Break.” However, the term Spring must be used loosely here in upstate New York. It’s a chilly 39 degrees and I do believe that as I type this, there are snow flurries. Not surprised dear April…
There’s a to do list a mile long, mountains of laundry to be folded, a workout to be done, a shower to be had, but you know what I just did? I made a cup of tea. I made a cup of English Breakfast tea with a splash of heavy cream & a drizzle of honey. (I have a disco dress I’m preparing for, otherwise I most likely would have used a teaspoon of sugar.
I woke up this morning, not really knowing where my day would take me; the blessing and curse of a “Stay at home” lifestyle. On one hand, I feel as free as a bird and on the other, there’s so much to do I don’t really know where to begin.
Life has been quite crazy for some time now; little ones will do that to you. We’ve been married 7.5 years and celebrated 10 years, (a whole decade!) of dating. Yes, I do consider that even though we are married, with two children, we are still dating. Marriage is like any other commitment in life; you get out what you put in. There are days and weeks where we feel like we are spinning our wheels and treading water.
Raising babies, building businesses and still staying true to oneself is not for the faint of heart. I often times ask myself wouldn’t it just be easier if…and I could list a hundred things to remove off of my plate to try and make myself feel less ‘busy’ or ‘stressed.’ But then what? Would I be bored? Would I feel incomplete? Would I be searching for that “something more” that I know creeps up when we least expect?
I’ve heard it said that the devil attacks those next in line for promotion. That when things are hard, they tend to get really hard. You’ll want to quit, give in, stop trying and just throw your hands in the air and scream. Go ahead and scream dear one, it may help…but do not quit.
I’ve mentioned before on my blog that the setback is often the setup for what’s next to come. I’ve been feeling all of the things, going through a lot of emotions and feeling like OH MY GOSH WILL THIS EVER GET EASIER? I’m talking in parenting, in relationships, in eating well, working out, feeling confident, and even in day to day things like the washing machine not working right. I don’t know if it will get easier, but it’s all part of the plan. If one more person tells me to “Enjoy the journey!” I may yell back “I AM!!” but that’s only because I truly am trying. I am enjoying the snuggles of my wee ones, amongst the chaos of potty training and cleaning poo all day long. I am loving the puppy breath and playfulness of our sweet girl, while cleaning mess after mess that she makes. I am ecstatic to fit in any alone time with my husband, as I know that our love must come first so that our family can thrive.
But I’m also saying, damn girl, This shit is hard!
I’m just here to tell myself, and maybe you, that it’s all okay. The feelings, the tears, the stress, the laughs the joys…it’s all part of it. One day we will look back and miss the precious moments. I can’t say I’ll miss the poo and mess, but I will miss mostly everything else about this time. I will probably ask myself how on earth did you not go completely insane? How did you do it? More importantly, my kids may ask us when life is hard for them, how did it you survive?
I will them…
The last one is the one I struggle with the most. I always try to do everything by myself, but this life is teaching me that nothing amazing is done alone. I hope to delve further into these topics in future posts; I am always trying my hardest to be real and raw with my readers. There is no smoke and mirrors here. No photo-shopped life snapshots. I am on this journey with you and am here with open arms and an open heart to learn alongside you.
May this first Wednesday in April bring you peace, love and comfort.
All my love,