Inner Mean Girl Vs. Authentic Self

Happy Thursday friends!! What a beautiful day to be alive.

I’ve been doing some real estate work, but took a quick lunch break here at home because I wanted to share my progress that I’ve been making with my Life Coach Lindsay Preston.

In week 3 we really went deep diving into our past experiences and ruffled up all sorts of things.  I told you how I had to write out my life’s “Timeline” and it had some not so pleasant things from my past. We all do though right? We had to pull our bullet holes as Lindsay calls them.  My parents’ divorce was a super hard one for me, as was my youngest sister getting into drugs.  I also realized that while I loved teaching and valued my education, when I got my Master’s Degree, I swept it under the rug like NBD.  Whaaaaa???  I remember Joe taking me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate and taking my photo while I held up my certificate.  But I remember NOT wanting to go to the ceremony to walk across the stage or inviting anyone to celebrate me.  Which is weird, because if you know me I love to celebrate and looking back this makes me sad.  I know that my family was in a pretty bad spot and I recall my middle sister graduating a few years prior and it was a disaster with the step-mom/dad and mom situation.  Either way, I realized that I have a VERY hard time enjoying myself if I am well aware that others won’t enjoy themselves either. I spend way too much time worrying about other people’s happiness than just focusing on my own.  Phew. That was a lot.  I also know how far I’ve come with my familial relationships.  No one is perfect, I get that, neither am I, hello, I am only human.  But the fact is we have experiences that may hurt us or leave us wounded and if we don’t spend time healing these wounds, they tend to continue showing up.  Examples? My dad and step-mom got married without my sisters and I knowing and/or being there.  My step-brother was there, but man did that one sting! I had to forgive and move forward on that one and it wasn’t easy.  Another biggie?  My mom didn’t come to my wedding.  Yup.  Pretty much the biggest day of my life and she wasn’t there.  Since that was almost 9 years ago, I’ve spent a lot of time working on healing that one as well.  Present day, I speak to all members of my family and we are all just doing our best.  I work on coming from a place of love, and try so very hard to use compassion when dealing with everyone. Why am I sharing this? Because we ALL HAVE OUR OWN ISH TO DEAL WITH!!  You can spend time crying and playing victim, or you can dig into that wound a little bit, feel the pain and eventually heal and move on.  I will say there are some people, family or not, that don’t play a role in my life and I’ve learned to accept that and be at peace with that too.

We spent time learning about our Inner Mean Girl (IMG) and who she is.  You may have heard this voice a time or two; it’s the one being negative, also known as the ego, limited beliefs, doubting yourself, correcting weaknesses, being fake or inauthentic.  She’s the one who will hold you back from being your true self, otherwise known as your Authentic Self (AS).

When you’re living in your AS, you are confident, original, aware, positive, loving unconditionally, and focused on your strengths.  I called this “being aligned” prior to my work with Lindsay, as I am a huge Gabrielle Bernstein fan.  What I didn’t realize was how normal it was to find yourself shifting between your IMG and your AS.  More importantly, I struggled with how to get out of my IMG and back into my AS. I didn’t know why this was happening, and that’s where this Unstoppable Course has really done me so much good.

One of my top strengths is Input, so I need to know all the things. I enjoy reading/researching and understanding how things work, but I have NEVER taken so much time to figure out how I work.  How is it that I have floated around for 37 years, fairly well, without truly getting to the core of ME?  I’m not sure, but I am ready to take myself to the next level.

Knowing the difference between My IMG and AS is so important for me to reach that next level. I have never labeled my “negative feelings” or understood why I would feel awesome for a bit and then slip back into a weird funk– NO MORE!!! The funks will be less and less and I can truly envision myself always being authentically me.

My two top IMGs: perfectionist and people pleaser. While I really thought I had my perfectionistic issues handled when I had my children — hello nothing goes as planned! But the reality is, I still beat myself up when things aren’t going ‘right’ or rather, the way I see that they should. I always have super high expectations of myself and others.  As demonstrated from my memories above, you can see that my people pleasing can go so far as to shrink myself and my successes, but this is coming to an end. I realize that there is enough out there for anyone to be happy, financially free and have whatever dream come true that she may be chasing; you just have to want it badly enough to do the time and work.  I believe that I am a nurturer by nature, which makes me an excellent mom and wife (especially to a man with Crohn’s Disease) but I also know it can hinder me from taking care of me.

One of the major takeaways after discovering my inner mean girls is that I’m always in control, my IMG is not. She may try to sabotage me, tell me not to post something, not follow through with a plan or idea, but the fact is she’s trying to protect me. I’ve been hurt (haven’t we all) through the years and I’ve built in some tactics to “keep me safe” but as we all know, safe means stunted. It means I can’t grow, change, take risks and see how amazing I can be.

Now that I understand my IMG, I know I can simply tell her that I’m fine and she doesn’t need to worry. When I’m living in my authentic self, I feel free to be me. That’s one of my mantras! I feel calm and intentional. I connect with people better, my relationships thrive, I come from a place of love and understanding vs a “the world is out to get me.” I recognize what no longer serves me and am at peace with the people and things I have let go.

If you’re starting to get an itch to see if you and Lindsay would be a fabulous match, head on over and take her FREE assessment and hop on her FREE call! Ladies I am telling you, no one wants to do the work, but everyone wants to rewards.  If you want to live into your best self with no regrets at the end of your days, wait no more.  I believe that if you’re reading this, it’s a sign that you should just do it.  Spend the $77 and put you first and become a Life Luver.  (Using code JENN20 to save that $20!!)

PS this was me, being my authentic self, opening up and sharing some pretty vulnerable moments from my past.  The work I have been doing on myself is truly showing me how amazing it is, to feel free to be me. 

Amazon Favorite Finds

I’m sure everyone loves their Amazon accounts, but I also love seeing what everyone buys!! I’ve found some great deals and sometimes forget that I can easily purchase items online and have it there in 2 days.  I have to say my favorite use for Amazon is when we vacation! Last summer I ordered a box of pull-ups and a big thing of wipes down to SC when my mom got married.  It was so convenient! Granted, I’m super pumped to not be spending money on those any more, but it’s the simplicity of that, right?!

I figured I’d share a few of my favorite/current Amazon Purchases just in case you may find them helpful too!

Him:

Core Water – My husband strives to drink 2 of these waters a day.  Having Crohn’s he is always trying to stay hydrated and get in extra electrolytes etc.  This is basically the only water he drinks, so it must be darn good!  I do drink it occasionally, but it’s a little pricey and I don’t mind my Brita water.  The other plus is that the cap is a cup, so he likes to let the kids drink out of that if they’re thirsty.  No slobber and no spills! #winning

White tees – A guy staple right?  I thought these were good quality and an even better price.  He wears a v-neck tee daily and those things tend to wear out quickly.

Me:

Rose Gold/Marble Phone Case – I’ve gotten a ton of compliments on this fab phone case! I hate buying new ones, but this price ($11.99 PLUS a coupon!!) I couldn’t beat it. Plus it’s pink, pretty and my old one fell apart, so this was a good buy!

Dandy Blend –   So I think I’ve mentioned a few times that I can’t drink coffee because of my reflux.  Well, I stumbled upon this Dandelion brew and you guys, it’s amazing! Sometimes you just want that coffee flavor/feel and tea just doesn’t do it.  Apparently you can cut coffee and go to this without any symptoms but I can’t verify that.  I can say that it’s tasty and I have been enjoying with some NutPods creamer.  It is excellent iced too! Dandelion is wonderful for your liver as well.

Collagen Peptides – My knees/joints seem to get sore and achy more often.  I guess I’m getting old or something, but regardless, I try to slip this into my tea, smoothies or dandy blend. It has no taste and it’s supposed to be so good for you. I have a Matcha Peach flavor too, but this can go in anything due to the no flavor.

Workout Top (Lululemon dupe) – There’s an extra 5% coupon on this too! I did see fellow instagrammers wearing this and it’s definitely worth a share and the buy! It’s so cute; I got the black and I love the tie back with the mesh.  Fun, sporty and makes me feel a little like a bad ass when I’m at the gym. I got a small. (I’m 5’7 currently 140 lbs) It comes in different colors and is only $15.99!! Washes well, and I hang dry.

Off Shoulder Romper – Again I saw a few bloggers with this and my friend Ann scooped one up as well.  It’s the perfect thing to throw on and road trip in, or even travel by plane!  It’s comfy and all you need are cute sandals, a pair of statement earrings and clutch to look totally put together with zero effort!

Dry Shampoo –  I have tried super expensive dry shampoos and I still come back to this brand. I love that I can order it on Amazon and save money, plus not walk into an Ulta and spend all my money on more makeup I don’t need.  I find that I can get a day or two extra in between washings because this stuff is so good.

Kids:

Bubble gun – these were actually a gift to our friends’ kids, and they loved them!  Their daughter turned 3 and she just loved it! They tend to sell these for more money at fairs, carnivals etc and so they just brought the one we gifted so they didn’t have to buy one when we all attended a festival not too long ago.  Can’t go wrong with bubbles as gifts for kids!

Tie Dye Chalk – This was a gift as well, but I just thought it was cute add on for Summer.  There’s nothing better than kids chalk drawings and this was a fun extra with the tie-dye element.

Dance Costume Bag  – I dragged my feet on buying this and I don’t know why.  With clear pockets, a lot of them, and everything zippered up, this is a MUST have for any Dance mom!  I finally grabbed one for her rehearsal/recital and it was so nice to see everything clearly when we scramble to change from costume to costume.  It held her shoes, tights, costumes, makeup and bows.  Total game changer; now I need one of those racks to hang everything on!

Thermos- I only wish I bought this sooner! Brooke doesn’t love sandwiches, though she will eat them.  She does love leftover pastas, macaroni and other warm lunches, so this was honestly the best purchase for her! She says that it keeps her meatballs warm just like out of the oven! I know in the Summer months this isn’t going to be popular, but mamas, grab one for Fall!!

What are your favorite Amazon buys? I would love to know!

Most People are Good

I have lots of thoughts and feelings, but for some reason this song is speaking for me today.  If you haven’t taken a moment and listened to this Luke Bryan song, please take some time and hear it out.  Piggy backing off of my post yesterday, we must have choose to see the good, the positive and be optimistic.  That is, if we want to be happy.

Have a beautiful Saturday friends.

Mindset Matters

It’s Friday beautiful friends!!

The sun is shining.

Hubby is at the land with Bailey girl.

I’m sitting on our back deck doing what makes my heart happy: writing.

Baby girl is at school, learning and having fun on her “Culture Day” and I’m allowing baby boy tablet time while I feed my soul.

It’s not easy, this whole self-care thing.  We have been so engrained to work, push, hustle, care for others, put everyone else first, bla bla bla bla. But friends, YOU MATTER.  Every time I see another mama doing some self-care I just wanna jump through the screen and hug her.  Yes girl.  Be a queen.  Meditate. Enjoy that glass of wine.  Do some yoga. Read that book.  Lay in the sun.  Relish in the massage.  Take that workout class. High five!!!  It’s amazing at how much more you can provide to the rest of the world after you’ve taken care of you.

I’ve been very attuned lately with the universe and the quiet messages it’s sending me.  This week is of course all about gratitude, but also just a little bit more. 

I was once told it (in so many words) it’s amazing that I cook all that I do in my not so fancy kitchen.  And I get it.  I don’t have 10 foot ceilings, white cupboards, light grey walls, marble countertops and tons of island space, double ovens, Viking stoves– you get the picture.

However, what I do have is a passion for taking care of my loved ones and a love for creating delicious meals that fuel our bodies.  I love chopping, stirring, mixing, baking and of course eating! When I play Frank Sinatra, pour a glass of wine and get to cooking, it never feels like work. Sure, I would love a big new fancy kitchen with all the bells and whistles, and it’s certainly on my vision board, but the fact is I know to enjoy the now.

At my chiropractor appointment this week we talked about this.  I feel like he not only aligns my back/body properly but also my heart and mind!  (Is it just me, or do you really find some people with the BEST energy and wanting to surround yourself with them all of the time?!) Anyway, he lives in a modest home in a nice, but busy area, and has his practice in the home he resides in.  He went on and on to tell me how much he’d love a big fancy house, new this and new that, but it also felt really great to be in the financial spot he’s in.  His son is going off to college in the Fall and essentially they are debt free at the moment.

I say all this because we can all get caught up in wanting more, the best of the best, and being unhappy and unfulfilled with where we are in life and what we have.  Now I’m not saying to not dream big and crush some big old goals, but if you’re not enjoying what you have right now, or feeling gratefully abundant in all that you do have, maybe your mindset needs a little shift.  God will not give more to us if we aren’t ready.  If you find yourself looking left and right and feeling sorry for yourself, it’s time to take a step back and truly be happy for all the blessings in your life.

It ebbs and flows, and there are times I wish we already had our home built on our land with a swimming pool and all the fixings, but I have learned that we must time in the timing.  It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.  Life seems to be one big juggling act with so many moving parts; but beauty will always be in the silence.

The sticky hands of little ones who helped bake with you in your not so fancy kitchen.

The cuddles of your small dog on cold day.

The peace and tranquility of enjoying what makes your heart happy.

The tapping of your fingers on the keys of a laptop.

The birds chirping sweet songs.

The warmth of the sun and the cooling of the breeze.

The radiant colors of the potted flowers.

The smile from your significant other after a long hard day.

These moments are what make us.

So if you’re feeling a little off, make a list of things that bring you joy and take some time to check them off. Go volunteer, if that’s on your heart.  Go bake your friend some cookies.  Visit that grandparent.  Send your mom a sweet text.  Write. Read. Bathe. Whatever it is that you need to do, get grateful and work on getting your mindset right.

Hey there…

Happy Thursday!!

Whew what a weekend last weekend and what a week this week! So many fun things friends! Joe’s cousin got married last Saturday at a gorgeous spot–it was actually the set of Biggest Loser! The grounds were quite muddy, so it made for lots of wet fun!  They have been together as long as Joe and I, so it was a beautiful ceremony filled with lots of love.

Brooke had her dance recital and she was just a doll! (Blog to come!)

I have been plowing along on my 14 Day Tastefully Simple Reset.  I have had ZERO grains, like NO rice, bread, pasta etc.  My carbs have been coming from fruits and veggies I suppose?! I am learning a whole lot and honestly haven’t missed bread yet!  I am really looking forward to a “Jenn style” breakfast tomorrow! I’ll be having soft boiled eggs, tomato and avocado!  I do miss my Starbucks and wine, but I’m surviving haha!

I also came down with a bit of a Spring cold; I was hoping it was just allergies but it’s just making its way through my chest, cough, sinuses, low energy, stuffy/runny nose, and plugged ears!  I’m hoping I’m on the tail end of it.  Good news is, I finished a book! #silverlining  It’s called The First Mistake and it comes out on June 11th! Such a good page turning Summer read.

This week in Life Coaching with Lindsay is a Bonus week, as we went really into depth with some of our bullet holes etc. so it’s a bit of a lighter load, which I am much appreciative.  I cannot stress enough to you, how much of an impact me taking the time to work on, heal, and invest this time and energy into myself has been.  I am able to give so much more of myself, my authentic self, and I cannot wait to see the people I get to serve in my future.  I still have a lot of work left to do, but this journey has been SO impactful on so many levels.  I feel the tides parting amongst people and things who no longer serve me.  I am feeling more spiritual as I continue to embrace the slowness, and conquer some of my inner mean girl feelings.  {You can still use the code JENN20 to get $20 off of the Life Luvers package fyi!!}

I took the time and finalized the kids’ summer camps.  Phew! That feels so good to have off my to do list.  I’ve got them trying out a sports sampler camp, a basketball camp, Brooke’s doing a pre-competition evaluation dance camp to see where she should be placed next year.  I also have my little guy going to the Y camp 2 different weeks.  (One is Superhero week, how cool!?) and Brooke’s got a week of camp through the town program, which is held at her school.  All the camps are half day or just an hour or so.  Nothing major, but enough to keep my love bugs busy and socialized! I am not gonna lie, I could have put them into longer/fuller sessions, but I am being a selfish mama and making sure we get enough time together at home or wherever else the Summer may take us!

Cheers (with my sparkling raspberry water) to this beautiful week.  I hope that no matter what you’re going through, you take some quiet time to reflect and appreciate the goodness in your life.  The universe has so many gifts to give; we just have to stop and listen.